Stan quiere ser Loretta

Avisaba ayer el señor Otis B. Driftwood de que se iba a tomar una semana pythoniana y que, aprovechando que La vida de Brian cumple 30 años en agosto, se dedicará a colocar una frase o un minidiálogo en su blog cada día hasta el domingo. Yo no puedo sino unirme, aunque sea únicamente por hoy; y confío en no pisarle ninguna escena, aunque va a estar jodido.

Éste es uno de mis diálogos favoritos, tanto por lo absurdo como por el hecho de que me viene a la memoria cada vez que leo o escucho ciudadanos y ciudadanas, vascos y vascas, discriminaciones positivas y demás patadas al lenguaje y al sentido común. El siguiente fragmento viene por cortesía de esta página, que es la primera que aparece en Google al buscar monty python life of brian script:

JUDITH: I do feel, Reg, that any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must reflect such a divergence of interests within its power-base.

REG: Agreed. Francis?

FRANCIS: Yeah. I think Judith’s point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man–

STAN: Or woman.

FRANCIS: Or woman… to rid himself–

STAN: Or herself.

FRANCIS: Or herself.

REG: Agreed.

FRANCIS: Thank you, brother.

STAN: Or sister.

FRANCIS: Or sister. Where was I?

REG: I think you’d finished.

FRANCIS: Oh. Right.

REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man–

STAN: Or woman.

REG: Why don’t you shut up about women, Stan. You’re putting us off.

STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.

FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?

STAN: I want to be one.

REG: What?

STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me ‘Loretta’.

REG: What?!

LORETTA: It’s my right as a man.

JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?

LORETTA: I want to have babies.

REG: You want to have babies?!

LORETTA: It’s every man’s right to have babies if he wants them.

REG: But… you can’t have babies.

LORETTA: Don’t you oppress me.

REG: I’m not oppressing you, Stan. You haven’t got a womb! — Where’s the fetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!

LORETTA: [crying]

JUDITH: Here! I– I’ve got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can’t actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody’s fault, not even the Romans’, but that he can have the right to have babies.

FRANCIS: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.

REG: What’s the point?

FRANCIS: What?

REG: What’s the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can’t have babies?!

FRANCIS: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

REG: Symbolic of his struggle against reality.

Para ahorrarme la traducción, aquí está la escena en inglés, con subtítulos en castellano.