Lo del otro día, pero por escrito

Mi petición en busca de tiras cómicas el otro día se saldó con un puñado que no conocía, y eso siempre está bien. Aprovechando que la idea está fresquita, hago una segunda edición hoy, pero ahora buscando literatura del Universo Ocurrente. Los ejemplos que traigo en esta ocasión, a diferencia de la otra vez, siguen publicando de forma regular.

Uno es McSweeney, que no es una persona sino un blog propiedad de una editorial. En su McSweeney’s Internet Tendency publican una mezcla de literatura y humor de lo más agradable. Un par de ejemplos:

World of Warcraft vs. my girlfriend:

I’ve had a lot of time to think about our last conversation, particularly since you ended it by ramming a keyboard through my monitor. I understand that we were both upset at the time and perhaps we said some things we didn’t mean. Well, maybe you more than me, considering I mostly just listened to you shriek and cowered in the corner.

I do not think I am, as you so eloquently screamed, “addicted to World of Warcraft.” I have, however, made a number of unfortunate mistakes, for which I would like to apologize.

I’m sorry I was so late picking you up from the library. I didn’t know they locked the doors at 8, and I’m sorry you had to stand outside alone for two hours. If it makes you feel better, despite its reputation to the contrary, that portion of the city does not have a violent-crime rate significantly above the national average.

You have to consider the position I was in. I was healing for a party with five players in it, all of whom were counting on me to help them defeat Mekgineer Thermaplugg and liberate the Gnomish city of Gnomeregan. Those are the needs of five people, in contrast to just yours, alone. (Note that I’m not even counting the needs of the Gnomish people here, Ashley.) As Spock once famously said, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one.” You were that one.

Corrections to last month’s letters to Penthouse Forum:

In the letter “Laying Late-Night Cable,” it was misstated that “Shelly became immediately aroused at the sight of my rock-hard member straining to be free from my jeans.” In truth, Shelly’s initial demeanor would be best described as visibly uncomfortable and leery. She did not achieve a state of arousal until learning—after several awkward drinks—that performing fellatio would result in a free month of HBO and Starz.

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In the letter “Three-Way Freeway,” it was implied that “Diana” begged for the opportunity to participate in sexual relations with her roommate and her roommate’s boyfriend after accidentally walking in on their “sweaty, all-night lovemaking session.” In actual fact, “Diana” was not aware of her participation in the “love sandwich” until she regained consciousness later that evening.

No puedo dejar de recomendarles también uno de los textos publicados ayer: From the complete guide to the care and training of the writer in your life, pero ése ya se lo dejo ahí para que le echen un ojo si les apetece.

El otro es un representante patrio de este estilo, y su descubrimiento se lo debo a El Teleoperador: La decadencia del ingenio, del que tengo que destacar obligatoriamente dos puntos comillas:

Jaime Rubio Hancock es uno de los periodistas más reputados del país (ignoramos cuál). Cofundador de la revista Playboy, fue director de The New York Times entre 1987 y 1992, cuando se convirtió en el primer menor de edad en dirigir una publicación diaria. Desde las páginas de ese diario se opuso a la guerra de Iraq, destapó la trama del Gal y predijo la Revolución Francesa. Actualmente publica en Libro de Notas cada jueves esta serie de entrevistas que, según nueve de cada diez dentistas, jamás tuvieron lugar.

Si les han gustado estas dos recomendaciones, aguardo las suyas con impaciencia en los comentarios.